Top Five Amazing Albums I Cannot Recommend

I know what you're thinking:

"Uh, you mean 'enough', though, right? You forgot to say 'enough'."

Nope. These are five wonderful albums that I would NOT recommend to the average person. Yeah, I know. That's kinda elitist of me. But I'm just speaking the truth.


1. Sparks - Kimono My House
Sample Track: "This Town Ain't Big Enough For Both of Us"
From Ron Mael's Hitler toothbrush mustache to Russell Mael's feminine falsetto, this band was created to fail, yet somehow they not only succeeded but also are still going strong 38 years later.

Kimono My House is incredibly well crafted. The album keeps you tapping your feet to the beat the entire time in interesting ways (ex. "Falling in Love With Myself Again" is a full-on pop waltz). However, it's also a very odd album. Aside from the previously mentioned falsetto, the lyrics are silly when they're decipherable. It all works, if you're into that sort of thing. However, since most people aren't going to go for what basically amounts to the crazier forerunner to "Bohemian Rhapsody" (released one year later), I generally cannot recommend this album.

2. Big Audio Dynamite - No. 10, Upping Street
Sample Track: "C'mon Every Beatbox"
Musical history lesson time. In 1983, Mick Jones was fired from The Clash by Joe Strummer. Fast forward to 1986. Mick Jones has already moved on to form a new band, Big Audio Dynamite. About to release a second album, a familiar face comes strolling in. Or should I say, "Strumming" in. That's right, Joe Strummer. So it's Jones and Strummer, back together. It sounds like a match made in heaven, so why wouldn't I recommend it then?

Something weird happened in the 1980s. The New Wave found rap. No. 10 Upping Street is a great album showcasing this phenomenon, but while it may be better than "Ant Rap" or John "Johnny Rotten" Lydon's "World Destruction", I'd never recommend it without some serious caveats.


3. Japan - Adolescent Sex
Sample Track: "Adolescent Sex"
Let me just get this out of the way and say that I'd never really feel great about recommending someone to look up "adolescent sex".

Japan became an interesting segue between post-Eno Roxy Music and New Wave acts like Duran Duran. However, before Japan's David Sylvian stole Bryan Ferry's trademark vibrato, Japan was more snarl than suave. With this in mind, Adolescent Sex does something that might be hard to understand at first blush. They managed to marry the sounds of Punk and Disco. But it's not really that Punk. Nor is it very Disco. The marriage of the two on the album is a musical perfect storm: it's not for the faint of heart, but it's a great experience if you survive it.


4. Man Or Astro-Man? - EEVIAC: Operational Index and Reference Guide
Sample Track: "Interstellar Hardrive"
I was introduced to Man or Astro-Man? many years ago. I've grown a lot musically since then, but I seem to always go back to them every once in a while. It's something about their sci-fi and experimental surf rock style that I love. That could be all I need to say about why I wouldn't recommend them, but I'll explain further. Man or Astro-Man? have the chops to play melt your face off surf rock, but they also love to play around with sound machines. In one song, "Psychology of A.I. (Numbers Follow Answers)", they take what would be a fairly normal song and tinker with it until it sounds like you just started losing the signal to a lo-fi radio station. On top of that, most of their songs are less than 3 minutes long, leaving you little time to absorb what's going on. The only song that slows things down on the album is a song called, get this, "_______/Myopia". At 5:50 of music time, you'd expect it to be a complete song, with an intro, middle, climax, and end. Instead, the previous song seamlessly flows into it, providing the intro, and it ends abruptly just as soon as it reaches its high point. This album is too retro, too futuristic, and too experimental to recommend.

5. Wham! - Make It Big
Sample Track: "Wake Me Up Before You Go Go"

The only reason why this one is on the list is because I'd never want to admit to someone that I own a Wham! album....